Talented Little 5 Year Old Boy (Jordan) plays all the instruments, sings & raps![youtube]http://youtu.be/IfWhGkxE9Ow[/youtube]
Giveaway for One Lucky OtherStucker (That’s YOU!). To enter 1 free bottle of Glow 360 — Anti-Oxidant Sunscreen for FACE Broad Spectrum SPF 30 TINTED –Simply leave a comment below. Tell MotherStucker what you are doing this Spring Break 2014! One winner will be chosen a midnight EST April 27th, 2014 and notified through the contact information you provide when leaving your “Spring Break” comment. Can’t wait for the giveaway? Me neither! CLICK the BLUE link to order your own GLOW 360 right now!
Spring Cleaning 2014 is in full swing! OtherStuckers, don’t forget to give your mouth a clean sweep too! Tongue cleaning is an important aspect in keeping your mouth fresh & clean. Your tongue’s rough surface is an ideal collection site for food debris, leading to toxin & bacterial growth that causes health hazards. It is necessary to clean the tongue regularly to keep the mouth odor & toxin free. Tongue cleaning removes the bad (white stuff) on the tongue surface & eliminates funky breath. It helps to prevent toxin/bacterial collection & improves overall dental hygiene. Plus, it massages the taste buds & enhances the sense of taste. Get the Top Tongue Cleaner & more info here: Top Tongue Cleaner[youtube]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjSd2QDf8rM[/youtube]
As a woman in my late thirties, I have been using facial skin care products for 25+ years. As Mrs. U.S. of A Globe 2005 and Mrs. Kentucky 2009 please realize I experimented heavily with any product I could get my hands on. I needed perfect skin – no exceptions. At the very least, I wanted the best possible skin I could achieve. As you might imagine, I was disappointed with every single product I tried.
Without any good options, I settled onto products that bounced my skin from one extreme to another. Does dry/unexplained breakout/skin fading/too oily/premature wrinkles/hyperpigmintation/blackheads look familiar? I struggled with at least 2 issues at a time (up to all 7 simultaneously sometimes) and thought I would just have to put up with it.
I never imagined a facial skin care product that would have my name (YOUR name too) on the bottle itself. More shocking is that what is inside the bottle actually makes skin beautiful.
Skin care has been revolutionized with “Beautiful”, the world’s first skin supplement. It actually feeds my skin (and yours!) what it needs in order for it to be luminous and healthy. Beautiful uses a rare combination of live fruit, nut and plant extracts to feed your skin cells and promote youthful, moist skin.
In all honesty, the use of “Beautiful” requires a brain shift. Thinking of applying oil to my skin seemed extremely unconventional. Soon, other shifts began to happen. I noticed that I didn’t feel the need to wear make-up as often (because I had less and less to cover up!). Even when I did apply make-up for a special occasion I realized I was using less makeup — due to having less to cover up overall — plus the make-up itself now reacted better with my skin.
When I wear make-up it now glides and blends over my skin instead of sitting on top of my skin like a mask. I use only 2 products on a daily basis – the Beautiful AM Moisturizer and the Beautiful PM Revitalizer. Both products can be purchased together in a .5 oz set for $44.94. I use approximately 3 drops of Beautiful AM in the morning and Beautiful PM in the evening, meaning this size/set will last you at least 2 months.
What a perfect gift for all the beautiful people in your life – Mom (HELLO MOTHERS DAY 2014!), sister(in-law), aunt, BFF, daughter – don’t forget YOU. Order yours by clicking picture directly above. XOXO!
In typical MotherStucker style this is easy, quick, healthy & delish! If you are new to this (Welcome OtherStuckers!), I only publish MADE recipes that every member of my family raves about. This one is perfect for warm spring days & left-overs can be refrigerated for lunches! Difficulty Rating: 2
5. Chuck Norris
I purchase a 3 lb. bag of frozen chicken breasts. I set the crock pot on the highest setting, place frozen chicken breasts inside and top with enough water to cover the chicken 1/2 way. After cooking in crockpot for 3 hours I turn the heat setting down to the lowest setting for another hour. At this point the chicken will want to fall apart and that is good. Carefully lift chicken breasts out of crockpot and allow to “cool” on a plate approximately 10 minutes. I’m not signing you up for salmonella poisoning — so don’t go over the 10 minute mark — just a quick cool down before we apply the mayo. Once the chicken isn’t quite so piping hot use 2 forks to shred the chicken apart. Pop in a bowl and mix with mayo (how much is up to you – at least 1 cup – I trust your discretion!). Sprinkle with pepper and place in the refrigerator to really cool (at least 30 minutes). Meanwhile start working on the extras!
-Slice grape tomatoes in 1/2.
-Slice green apple
It doesn’t get any easier than this! Place apple slices on the plate, top with chicken salad, grape tomatoes, scallions, and pecan or walnut pieces if you wish.
Triple O* = Outstanding, Original & Obsessed. Why? What were you thinking? XOXO
DO NOT get Mom for Mother’s Day:
-A book about “Parenting”
*Especially don’t get her all three in combination — I refuse to come to your aid after Mom has tied you up with jumper cables, stuck a plunger to your forehead & beaten you about the head & neck with her new “read” — Don’t call me OtherStuckers!
-Wrenchware’s 3 piece Dinnerware Set,
-Wrenchware’s Gear Bowl &
-Wrenchware’s Gear Glass
Knock her socks off May 11th with Wrenchware’s unusual & clever gifts! Mom will love showing off her new treasures at family picnics, cook-outs, BBQ’s & tailgates. Free shipping on orders of $25 or more. See for yourself at www.Wrenchware.com
Thanks to Children’s Advil® for the goodie box received at MotherStucker H.Q.’s & just in time! What started out with a cough progressed to a cold complete with fever for my youngest OtherStucker. Thankfully, the cold only lasted a few days and she had brand new flavors of Children’s Advil® to sample. Check out their Bubble Gum, Blue Raspberry and Dye-free White Grape flavors the next time a kiddo in your house in fighting a fever.
As the fever reducer that has the medicine pediatricians use most for their own kids’ fevers, Children’s Advil® gets them back to feeling like kids again. With fast fever relief that lasts up to 8hrs, Children’s Advil® is the medicine you can trust to bring relief to your child. So thrilled that Children’s Advil® made my OtherStucker Jr. feel better fast! Learn more at their website: Children’s Advil® http://www.childrensadvil.com/ plus find fun sick day activities for kids on the Children’s Advil® Facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/ChildrensAdvil
*Disclosure: The Children’s Advil® product & information have been provided by Pfizer Consumer Healthcare.
[youtube]http://youtu.be/u55TSWMSiGI[/youtube]”By Harlow” is a brow & lash enhancement brand with a celebrity following. With its roots firmly established in Los Angeles, By Harlow joins modern day beauty with the Golden Era. See more & order these LED lighted tweezer for MOM this Mother’s Day at By Harlow!
This might be the hottest “White Hot Review” EVER! You’ve hit the Motherlode OtherStuckers 😉 Are you ready to please, pamper & spoil your partner? Get “Lavish Your Lover” by Lisa Mohr for yourself & then give the gift of all you have learned, including 29 exact strokes that will make your massages unforgettable. You can view all the hot details & order at www.LavishYourLover.com plus view the online training videos. Prepare to be in-demand, sought-after & massage guru super star!! XOXO, MotherStucker
Your mission should you choose to accept it: Freshen YOUR closet with a spring cleaning overhaul! Moms, I wouldn’t throw down the challenge without having tackled the project myself. In the spirit of full disclosure, this will be an elaborate spruce up for your space and wardrobe. However, you will immediately enjoy the payoff through time savings and pride in your space, plus your new look for spring 2014! I willing to bet you already have your eye on a few new spring wardrobe “finds”…..
Empty the Closet
Step One is to take out everything — yes, absolutely everything. It’s the only way to know exactly what you have and what you need. When removing items, sort into different categories: things to keep, things to store, things to give away or sell (garage sale, regional facebook selling pages), things to toss, things to be dry cleaned, altered, etc.
Bag up the “Giveaway” and “Sell” piles (after photographing and listing for sale), then box up the “Seasonal” items you’d like to stow away for a while. Sweaters, puffy jackets, and winter boots take up lots of space, so keep them in a different closet or attic until the fall. Before you second-guess yourself, put the “Toss” items in the trash. Take the “To-be-dry cleaned” and “Altered” items by the door so that you will take them on your next trip out.
Do a Thorough Cleanse
Now that your closet is completely cleared out, it is time to clean up your act in Step Two! Here is a checklist to help:
-dust crown molding, baseboards and ceiling corners
-dust/wash light fixtures and lamps
-wash doors and walls (look for scuff marks)
-touch up paint
-vacuum or wash window curtains
-wash window blinds and clean windows
-deep clean hardwood, tile, linoleum, and carpet flooring
-shampoo carpet (DIY or schedule a professional)
-remove rugs to shake out, then vacuum
-vacuum all flooring, including corners
-clean air vents
-dust around mirrors
-replace light bulbs
-Evaluate the Space
Step Three involves thinking about how you can maximize your space. Determine how the previous arrangement might be improved. Were you able to reach everything? Were there any items you would use more often if you were able to see them? Do you need an extra shelf? A set of drawers? Hanging hooks? Try to see your closet through fresh eyes, and decide if there’s a way to create more surface area for your items.
Now is the time to arrange for fashion and appearance. Once items are grouped by type — blouses, skirts, jeans, etc. — take it a step or two further and arrange by color and/or fabric. You want outfit building to be a simple and streamlined process, so organize in a way that feels natural for you. Don’t forget to include your accessories! Whether you have piles of shoes or just a few favorite pairs, decide on your preferred form of storage: shelves, boxes, or an over-the-door rack. Keep things simple and sort by type, color, or occasion. To arrange purses, think about using shelf dividers or do what I did – use a cookie pan organizer to keep your smaller bags upright! For hats, scarves, and long necklaces, hooks are your best friends. Way to go, Mom – mission accomplished!
Mirena, one of the popular methods of contraception is used by women all over the world. Unfortunately OtherStuckers – Mirena IUD has been linked to side effects on women’s health such as weight gain. The information available can be overwhelming. Thankfully Rose Vitalis has authored “The Complete Detox Program”! Her target information on
Mirena Detox – Mirena Side Effects &
Mirena Detox – Mirena Weight Gain
can be viewed by clicking on the blue links. Are you or another Mother you know looking to detox from Mirena? Learn about detox baths, Mirena crashes, detoxification agents, dietary modification, healthy dietary supplements, etc.
More information on that can be found in the links below:
Love MotherStucker’s Video Product Reviews? LE TOTE helps me make the magic happen with their gorgeous wardrobe pieces. 20+ items featured in this video! Sign up: www.LeTote.com New arrivals available NOW! XOXO, MotherStucker[youtube]http://youtu.be/ngdGB-CakdQ[/youtube]
Tips for packing as you prepare for Spring Break 2014! Here’s a HINT! Grab a great discount for CUSTOM Spring Break printed T-shirts from:http://www.vistaprintcoupons.net
At MotherStucker headquarters “Heart Healthy” is a priority! We exercise & look for meal options that are tasty as well as nutritious — just like the picture above — Creamy Turkey & Vegetable Lasagna! Check out our 4 more of our favorite recipes (below) from the “American Heart Association Certified Recipes” featuring Campbell’s Soup! Health is foremost on people’s minds, keeping your family in tip top shape can be a challenge in these busy times. Campbell’s Soup wants you to “Address Your Heart” with Heart Healthy Tips, recipes & more! Visit AddressYourHeart.com to get heart-healthy tips, including 21 Campbell’s recipes that are certified by the AHA and product coupons, as well as Facebook.com/campbellskitchen for the latest Campbell’s recipes & offers. I’ve also included a link where can get the Campbell’s money saving coupons. Dinner is DONE OtherStuckers! **This post is sponsored by Campbell Soup Company – XOXO!
Louisiana-Style Chicken, Sausage & Shrimp Skillet
Creamy Chicken & Vegetables over Spaghetti Squash
Grilled Bruschetta Chicken
Broccoli Cheddar Rice
Attention OtherStuckers! Headed to Orlando for Spring Break? I’d like to introduce you to Simple Stroller Rental — offering high end single, double & triple seat rental strollers to families visiting the Greater Orlando area & the Disney attractions. Simple Stroller Rental delivers to 150+ local resorts & hotels, plus countless private vacation home rentals. Renting a stroller through Simple Stroller Rental is cost effective versus renting in the theme parks & it is easier than lugging your own stroller on vacation, plus, you don’t run the risk of your personal stroller being damaged while traveling! Simple Stroller Rental reminds everyone to book your rental stroller as early as possible. With the popularity of Central Florida & the world famous attractions in peak travel periods, they want to be able to provide you with the stroller of your choice. Accepting reservations up to a year in advance, the availability calendar will show you what is in stock even the night before delivery. MotherStucker recommends renting a bigger stroller than what you use at home, because your fam will need a sun shield, nap place & storage for Orlando souvenirs! XOXO!
Are you looking for a business that is growing that can earn you income? You can work your business from virtually anyplace online!! Click the link to learn more!! www.LivingYourDream.ExperienceBA.com/? SOURCE=MS
5 Stars OtherStuckers! In typical MotherStucker style this is a no cut (pipe) no sew (fabric) project! You will need a ladder or step stool, cordless drill, pipe materials (see below), curtain material, curtain hooks (found at IKEA, Pottery Barn, etc.), stitch witch, scissors, & iron. Of course, a helper is also highly recommended! Difficulty Rating: 3
5. Chuck Norris
This is NOT Rocket Science – make things easy on yourself! For the Curtain Rod Pipe — Choose a length that straddles the entire window — Or if you have a bank of windows divide the distance with smaller individual sections. Total cost approx. $70.
-One 1/2″ diameter, 10′ long pipe. It just so happened that these were precut however, they will cut your pipe to size for you and thread it if you need a different size. Personally, I wanted ample space on either size. To each (OtherStucker) her own 😉 .
-Two 1/2″ floor flanges (those are the round things, and they are about $10 a pop, believe it or not!).
-Two 1/2″ diameter, 2″ long steel nipples (those are the short straight pieces that make the rod/pipe project out from the wall a bit). You might want to have a cocktail or 2 before asking for 2 nipples at the local testosterone soaked hardware store… I speak from experience!
-Two 1/2″diameter, 90° elbows.
Be sure you wipe your pieces off before you get your curtains near them, because they come from the store kind of oily and dirty. You will also need to remove the pricing stickers. Yuck!
For the Curtains: Choose the length that you need. Then stitch witch (using your iron and a damp rag) the top and bottom of your panel. I chose a woven material (in several different variations). The sides of the material won’t fray because of the material fabrication – so don’t cut the sides. If you don’t like the “rugged” look, knock yourself out and stitch witch that too.
To assemble: Screw flanges to nipples to elbow to 1 side to the pipe — Put on curtain rings of your choice — Screw onto other side of the pipe. That either sounds dirty or like the hokey pokey – I can’t decide which ;). Drill pilot holes & attach your custom rod with wood screws. Hang curtains!
[youtube]http://youtu.be/DzsjEvK-tmM[/youtube]Meet Mark W. founding partner at Mighty Sport! Mark acknowledges that part of the reason he started Mighty Sport was because he was concerned about what kids were drinking – specifically sports & performance based drinks. Mark states, “I would see kids at my 11 year old son’s soccer games drinking the Gatorade & Powerade drinks, & these parents had absolutely no idea what was in these drinks. Parents probably were aware they had a lot of sugar & they likely thought — Oh, they’ll burn it off in practice — What they don’t know is that in addition to having artificial colors, artificial flavors, toxic preservatives, excessive sugar – some of the ingredients in these drinks, (as recently covered by Fox News/ABC News etc), are banned in many countries around the world!”.
For this exact reason Mark launched Mighty-SportUSA.com. Mighty Sport is the ultimate athletic sport drink that naturally provides vital:
-Electrolytes for Optimal Hydration
-Branched Chain Amino Acids
-Organic Sugars & D-Ribose
-Nitric Oxide Boosters
Mighty Sport, formulated in Sweden and made in the USA is plant based, with only 3 grams of sugar per serving (Gatorade is around 21) has absolutely no artificial colors, artificial flavors, toxic preservatives or caffeine. Achieve superior energy & performance plus focus and mental clarity in addition to muscle repair and recovery.
Easter 2014 is on April 20th & Easter 2015 is on April 5th… Starting now, we can help create a brand new Easter tradition! “The Funny Easter Bunny” kickstarter campaign needs our help and in return we will enjoy 10 days of pure fun! “The Funny Easter Bunny” is set to including a book, plush toy, basket, 10 eggs & two play “inside/outside” cards! The book explains it all! “The Funny Easter Bunny” was created to bring excitement, anticipation, reading, fun & priceless memories to homes everywhere!
The premise of the book (which is included in the video for your reading pleasure) is that the bunny will arrive ten days before Easter. You can place the bunny anywhere & keep him/her there for the entire ten days. The bunny must be given a name & he/she states that the children must behave or all of the fun stops. If they behave, every night one egg will be taken out of the basket and “hidden” (up to 10 days). On Easter Day, the children will wake up to the basket filled with goodies (of your choice) & a card that says “Inside” or “Outside” will be placed on top. That will be the only hint given before the Easter egg hunt you will have with the ten eggs provided! EGG-CITED? Click to blue link to see how you can help! White Hot Review Board: The Funny Easter Bunny Kickstarter Campaign XOXO!
Being newly preggo is such a special time! Learn how to make the most of it — MotherStucker <3's these "10 Pregnancy Tips For Surviving Your First Trimester" from Rachel & MommyEdition — OtherStuckers, check her 10 advice tidbits NOW to help you make it through those first 12 weeks! Experience is the Mother of wisdom after all… www.MommyEdition.com & Rachel will help you keep the gorgeous glow going. Realize all the good you’re doing daily early in your pregnancy will continue to help you & your beautiful new baby! Keep it up & Happy Pregnancy to YOU! XOXO, MotherStucker
Attention OtherStuckers 😉 Great Read Alert!
Sybrina Publishing presents “Learn To Tie A Tie With The Rabbit & The Fox“. Of course, boys love action and adventure — This little book offers that — Plus a fun lesson for learning to tie a necktie. Available in 3 languages in soft cover print or as an ebook. If a child has mastered the tricky task of tying their shoe laces, they’re ready to have fun learning to tie a tie with this beautifully illustrated story on the age of tale of the rabbit & the fox. Boys will enjoy following along with the movements of the chase while learning the steps of tying a necktie. By the time the rabbit is safely tucked away, even the very youngest child can proudly point to their neatly knotted tie saying, “Look what I’ve done!” There’s no greater accomplishment for a young one than conquering feats requiring manual dexterity. Who knows? The little guy might even use his acquired skill to help out an older gent! How’s that for building self-esteem? MotherStucker’s White Hot Review Board: “Learn to Tie a Tie with the Rabbit & the Fox”
[youtube]http://youtu.be/mfnRqRbo8cM[/youtube]Easy-Travel Playing Cards are showing savvy travelers around the globe a handy new way of learning about their next destination all while and having fun at the same time. These inexpensive playing cards offer a hands-on travel guide to various global destinations. The featured Washington DC (pic to the right!) deck is a complete set of two & offers excellent photography & interesting facts / activities across the capitol & the metropolitan D.C area. Easy-Travel Playing Cards double as pocket travel guides highlighting the best that a country or city has to offer. In addition to being a travel guide, there are many money saving opportunities with discounts to major tourist attractions, accommodation, restaurants & entertainment. Nothing is left to chance when you have Easy-Travel Playing Cards for your trip — Restaurants, hotels, scenic views, transport details, maps — Every deck is a complete travel package! Available now: Washington D.C., Northern Virginia & Maryland. New destinations coming soon include New York City, Las Vegas & Greece! MotherStucker’s Spring Break Guide 2014: Easy-Travel Playing Cards or BUST 😉 !
To celebrate daylight saving time spring forward 2014, I’m taking a look back to the fall of 2012. Think less “Punxsutawney Phil” & more “Groundhog Day” 🙂
1. Daylight Savings Time Day #24, 2012: It now gets dark at MotherStucker Headquarters at 5:19 pm. Wikipedia tells this MotherStucker that Daylight Savings Time was invented in 1895 by George Vernon Hudson. I am tempted to locate his descendants and drop my kiddos off for an evening of complimentary childcare, although the “Hudsons” are likely in the witness protection program…consider your legacy carefully MotherStuckers.
2. To pass the time, I evaluated our pantry supplies and concluded I could throw together some sugar cookies as “practice” for the holidays. While I make the world’s most outstanding chocolate chip cookie bars, apparently my sugar cookies leave much to be desired. My daughters descriptive words included, “nasty, funky, rancid, pukey” etc.
3. In an attempt to occupy my kiddos, we ventured to the nearby (national chain) 3000 sq. foot craft store. This MotherStucker + 2 sugar under-loaded girls held the #3rd place in line for 15 minutes because #1st place was occupied by a customer returning an entire cart of merchandise (sigh!) and #2nd place was held by a buyer who only needed 400 items (thimble size) who of course was (wait for it, wait for it)…tax exempt.
4. Hubby just returned from his Crossfit Workout and wants to tell me about his “WOD” and “PowerSnatch”….there are no more words…
This Spring its not about the journey or the destination – its about what you bring with you! TABLANKET is the all in one TABLE + BLANKET & right now you can get yours in any color with FREE GROUND SHIPPING to the 48 Contiguous States! Order Yours Today OtherStuckers! XOXO MotherStucker’s Spring Break Guide 2014: TABLANKET [youtube]http://youtu.be/nXFIR5ubHuo[/youtube]
MotherStucker’s Video Kudos: www.BabyLull.com
Meet BabyLull.com – Baby Monitors are what they DO! Featuring only premium monitors, BabyLull.com has thoroughly researched & tested the baby monitor that you need. Need the perfect baby shower gift? Making this easy for you OtherStuckers 😉 XOXO
OtherStuckers this is a MUST see A.S.A.P.! Check out
“My First Words for A to Z” by Winston Rose NEW Kindle book series. Each of these Kindle books are about helping your child learn new words & make learning to read FUN! Each word is formatted with a mini story & fun illustration. This series is designed for the 3 – 5 year age group & offers the opportunity for an adult or older sibling to sound out the word, read each of the mini stories & share fun illustrations. There are two words featured for each letter in the alphabet. Some are simple like Ball, Dog & Cat others more difficult like Alligator & Xylophone. This MotherStucker even learned what “Xat” means! 5 STARS !!!!! XOX
4 & 1/2 HOT DAMN STARS from all the OtherStuckers! Serves: Up to 10 as it makes a boatload. Get you some on TACO TUESDAY! This welcome variation from traditional tacos knocks a MotherStuckers socks off and is less than 300 calories per cup ;). Best of all, if you can operate a can opener and a crockpot you are in business!
1 (15 oz.) can black beans, drained and rinsed
1 (15 oz.) can pinto beans, drained and rinsed
1 (14.5 oz.) can petite diced tomatoes, drained
1 (15.25 oz.) can sweet corn, drained
1 (12.5 oz.) can white chicken breast, drained
1 (10.75 oz.) can cream of chicken soup
1 (14 oz.) can chicken broth (low sodium works great!)
1 Tablespoon of cumin (Although more works too for my fellow cumin fans!)
2 Tablespoons of Tastefully Simple Fiesta Party Dip Mix (taco seasoning pack works).
Mix all ingredients together in a large pot.
Heat until warm, stirring occasionally.
Serve with tortilla chips and a dollop of sour cream! Eat it up! Happy Taco (Soup) Tuesday!
On SeekRetreat, travelers find & book their dream retreats at the most exquisite venues in the most beautiful places on Earth. Seek Retreat: Elevating consciousness through the Yoga & Travel experience. #FindYourSeek – Pin It To Win It! Want to win 1 of 4 $50.00 Amazon Gift Cards?
Its easy, OtherStuckers! Winners will be announced 3/23/14 – Here are the #5 steps to enter.
1. Click the PIN IT TO WIN IT “SeekRetreat” (green logo) button to your right —> (Directly under my Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Google+ Buttons near the top of this main page).
2. Follow SeekRetreat’s Pinterest Board and RePin the images you like OR pin your own inspiration with the hashtag #findyourseek.
3. Enter you email on the form provided.
4. Enter your PIN url on the form provided.
5. Hit “Enter to WIN” button!
Can’t wait to see and repin your #findyourseek pins!
What a difference a year makes OtherStuckers! Last year I spent Valentine’s Day in the Hospital waiting room. If you are gagging on the usual Valentine’s Day fanfare, you will certainly appreciate all the gory details below 🙂 XOXO!
2/14/13 – It is unfortunate that every word of this post is true. Hubby’s scheduled knee surgery began at Noon. With my oldest child still at school for the day, my youngest (now 5) and I kissed Daddy and headed off to the hospital waiting room. I carefully selected 2 seats furthest away from the gentleman talking loudly on his cell phone, the large family reunion and the red-nosed snot slinging gal with used tissues at her feet.
As mini-me and I settled in, the waiting room attendant yelled out, “Mr. Tracy – Do you have your wife’s teeth?”. Apparently Mr. Tracy did, as he retrieved them from his pocket and handed them over (I mean teeth directly into hospital employee’s hand). Shiver.
I am brought back to the present moment by the sound of a screaming child. A grandmother is attempting to wrangle a pissed off 2-year-old through the door of the waiting room. Yes, they are entering the waiting room. For Joy.
As my daughter and I are sitting in close proximity to the kids area of the hospital waiting room, we are shortly joined by PERSEPHONE and grandma. How do I know the screaming 2 year olds name is PERSEPHONE? Because Meemaw keeps yelling it – over and over.
Persephone eventually calms the #$% down when she realizes she has a “friend” to play with in my mini-me. My 5-year-old continues to mind her own business (like an angel) in the play house as Persphone approaches. Thirty seconds of a steely kid-standoff follows and ends peacefully with some giggles from both.
Meanwhile, Meemaw has already informed me that she is PERSEPHONE’s grandma (thanks lady – I got that), that she is 53, that PERSEPHONE’S favorite song is B-I-N-G-O (yes she sang it) and her Daddy (yes Meemaw’s Daddy) has a pontoon boat. Grandma is the best example of Bat Shit Crazy that I have encountered to date.
As I look for an escape strategy, the kids playhouse falls quiet. I can barely make out a growling sound coming from Persephone. My mini me is occupying the opposite corner of the playhouse and looks bewildered. Meemaw jumps up and asks my daughter to leave the playhouse. Meemaw explains to me that PERSEPHONE needs “privacy” to poop – and will growl to achieve solo status.
At this point I’ve mentally cashed out. Mini-me and I decide to read a story. Two stories. On our third story we are nasally assaulted by the smell of fresh poo. Meemaw is ignoring the presence of the restroom (complete with changing table) less than 20 feet away and instead is changing Persephone’s diaper in her lap 2 chairs away from us. Without hesitation my daughter begins to giggle and shouts, “Awkward!” loud enough for all in the room to hear. I’m not going to lie — I laughed – a lot.
Eventually the orthopedic surgeon entered the waiting room to tell me hubby’s surgery was a success. She giddily explained the surgery details including the use of “Fetus Paste”. For real. My mind wanders to protect what little sanity I have left… “What kind of person names a child Persephone? I don’t remember much after that. Thankfully.